Sunday, January 11, 2009

Oh Boy

I'm trying to figure out what it is that keeps me eating things that I know aren't good for me. Fear? Loneliness? Boredom? Maybe a little bit of each.

I just finished reading Skinny Bitch and was pleasantly surprised. This book wasn't at all what I'd expected. It promoted a vegan, organic lifestyle. I'm already vegetarian and I'm trying to incorporate more of the vegan aspects into my life. And I made a decision a few days ago to begin slowly transitioning to organic, including all natural beauty products. Inside of just going whole hog, I'll replace items as I run out of them, with natural, organic substitutes. I'm trying to be more green these days, so not only do I think this will be healthier for me, but will be healthier for the world.

So, anyway, back to my original thought - why am I eating like I am? These two things actually do tie in together. I went shopping yesterday with the intention of looking for some snack items that were mentioned in Skinny Bitch. I found a few things and brought them home and almost immediately ate a good chunk of all of them. Then tonight after having a massive migraine all day, ordered pizza, that quite honestly I couldn't even really afford. I'm at a loss. Maybe I'm scared that if I lose weight, I really will have to move on from all the relationship heartache I've suffered the past several months. Maybe I'm scared that if I lose weight, I might actually meet someone else and that someone else could hurt me all over again. Hmm. I know my fat is my shield against the world. But guess what? I'm so tired of being shielded. I'm ready to get out there and live my damn life, good and bad!

Everything just feels so chaotic and disheveled. I want peace and harmony.

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